i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
