I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
