Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
