I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
