It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
