Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
