I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
