if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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