one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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