oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
