ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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