i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
