I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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