Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
