Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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