I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
