Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.