I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.