That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.