Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
