dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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