There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
