My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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