apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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