I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
