I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
