yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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