The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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