When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
