I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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