so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
