If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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