I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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