can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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