just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My life is pants optional.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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