I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
