just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize