At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize