you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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