i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
