Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
