he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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