No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
