I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
