I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
