I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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