So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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