Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
