Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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