Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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