if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
