Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
