There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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