im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
