The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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