She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?