im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize