I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
