a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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