I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
