I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
